In the Beginning
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I woke up in down town Las Vegas. I felt terrible, but honestly every day for the last few months I had been feeling terrible.
Today felt like an especially gross flavor of terrible. I scanned my mind in an effort to understand the overwhelming sense of dread that I was experiencing. The day before starting at about 4 pm had been pure euphoria. Truly I had never felt so free and light as I was feeling yesterday afternoon while strolling around down town Las Vegas with my best mate.
I was perplexed as to how I could wake up feeling the heavy and persistent dread that was now upon me. It then dawned on me that I had taken 100 mg of 5htp. This was a serotonin enhancing natural supplement that I had purchased at my local Sprouts grocery store. I had researched it and found that it helped with depression and low energy. I was suffering from both of those ever since I had decided to try and quit caffeine and thought that the all natural 5htp would be very helpful in alleviating my symptoms. Instead, quite possibly, it had made me very high much like ecstasy would.
This could be causality or what ever the scientific term is and my experiences of euphoria and the subsequent grossness may not be related to 5htp but at the time I found them inextricably linked and threw out the rest of the bottle I had purchased. I reckoned a trip to the gym may be the magical elixir to eliminate this rotten feeling from my being.
On my way to the gym while I was stopped getting gas the awful energy started coming on to me even harder and I realized there would be no trip to the gym. In my next highly questionable move and something I question to this day I resolved to go buy a joint from the marijuana shop in an effort to find some sort of relief from the energy I was suffering from.
Marijuana was something that I often used to feel better in those days. In the pot shop I remember just feeling very, very anxious and disoriented. Basic communication to the store clerks was nearly unbearable. Once I got home I started smoking the joint in a desperate effort to relieve my symptoms. For a few moments… it was okay…. I felt a little better. This isn’t so bad. I then fired up some online poker to take my mind off of everything. Poker was how I was earning my living at the time.
After playing for 15 to 20 minutes I suddenly felt everything start to race. I felt as if my heart was going to beat out of my chest and that my head was going to explode.
I started getting really cold and kept getting in to the hot shower in an effort to warm up my body and to sooth my nerves. It wasn’t working. At all. I kept getting in to more and more of a racy, shaky, and disoriented state. As I was considering going to the hospital I remembered something about allowing energy to move and decided to lay down and give it a try.
When I was laying down I just remember the energy feeling like electric burning in my brain that kept gathering momentum and strength. By this time basic motor functioning was difficult and I was becoming very confused. It was at this point that I knew I needed to get help. As I stumbled to my car I felt on the verge of passing out. I couldn’t make sense of much and I started to experience muscle rigidity and twitching.
When I got to the hospital I could barely speak. I couldn’t communicate the desperation of my situation to anyone. While I was in the waiting room at the ER I just kept grinding my teeth and guzzling water from a sink nearby. My throat was so dry I could barely swallow. Several times I went to a nurse to tell them I felt as if I was going to pass out. As I sat there fidgeting uncontrollably and sweating with agitation and with my head feeling like it was going to implode or explode something deep inside of me knew I would never be the same.
I was almost sure I was going to die and truly believed that if I survived that I would be a vegetable the rest of my life.
Finally after 30-45 minutes of this unabated torture in the waiting room I was treated for what I am assuming they considered a drug over dose. When one of the several needles they stuck inside of my veins entered in to my blood stream the physiological symptoms slowly faded. I just remember my head collapsing from all the stress and trauma and not being able to walk all that well.
When they were dismissing me from the hospital they really didn’t have any idea as to what had happened. I remember looking at the nurses for help. I was thoroughly confused and utterly at a loss. I still felt a tremendous amount of dread and anxiety within and didn’t want to be alone. As I was leaving the hospital I just kept crying and wondering what had happened and what to do now.
They thought maybe the 5htp could have caused an allergic reaction. After the event, naturally I exhausted myself conducting research on what had happened and concluded that it was serotonin syndrome. An often very dangerous and sometimes lethal form of brain toxicity caused by too much serotonin in the brain usually due to too high of a dose of SSRI’s or anti-depressant medication.
I figured the 5htp mixed with the marijuana the next day had caused this life altering event but I will never truly know for sure what happened. It could have been a MASSIVE panic attack. It could have been my first contact with the kundalini awakening. I still somewhat doubt this. I believe this event and my subsequent undeniable kundalini awakening 2 months later were separate events.
But this event could have set the table for what happened next because of the sheer amount of trauma it produced which is often a catalyst for a kundalini awakening. I’ve had to make my peace with the fact that I’ll never really know what happened on the day of 8-31-2017 and quite honestly these days it isn’t all that important to know.
